Stretching In My Jeans

I believe skinny jeans should not be worn by those who …well who aren’t. (Skinny, not not living because if you just aren’ aren’t aren’t.)  I also think stretch jeans are of the devil.

Now I have recently…well no, not really recently over the past 9-10 months…lost 25ish pounds. I’m still wearing the same size jeans. For the most part it’s because shopping for jeans scares the beejeebers out of me. Seriously. Have you tried it? The last time I wanted to go jean shopping I was at JC Penney’s. I tried on one pair of Levi’s and one pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. Both were on a phenomenal sale. Both fit splendidly. So since it was a great sale and because Dave Ramsey was not yet in my vocabulary, I bought two pair of each.

Now each pair of jeans was exactly like the other. Exactly. Brand. Size. Price. Store. Day. You name it, they were identical. (Except the GV jeans…one was purple and the other green but otherwise….) I get home and was amazed to discover that all jeans are not created equal. Oh no no no. I though they were. I thought Levi’s were Levi’s were Levi’s.

I was crazy enough to think if I bought identical pairs of jeans at the same store at the same time they would be…I dunno…the same. Nope.  One pair..of course the pair I tried on…fit great. The other pair about killed it. I could get them on..with much gyrating of hips and thinking thinks any sane person wouldn’t think, and I could fasten them but it wasn’t all that attractive.

Now I’ve lost 25 pounds and well I’m still wearing the same jeans. Why? Because I hate jeans shopping.

I also hate stretchy jeans. Why do manufacturers think women need “stretch” in their jeans?  Technically my jeans are 2 sizes too big..or should be. But because they’re stretch they still fit. And if I dry my two-sizes too big jeans in the dryer, my thighs die a slow painful death.

Now Mr. FullCup says he doesn’t think my jeans are tight in the thigh. I tell him of course they aren’t, I cut off my thighs and left them in the bathroom.

Which is another thing…have you ever tried catching a greased pig? I haven’t but I can imagine it is about like pulling on stretchy jeans when you’ve just applied lotion to your lower appendages.  I have been known to look for a hidden “candid camera” in my bathroom thinking it has to be some sick joke. I contort my body in all kinds of ways and positions it was never meant to be in just getting dressed in the winter.  It is insane. I am almost sure I lose a pound every time I put them on after applying lotion.

Did women sign off on this as a good idea? Because I certainly don’t remember getting the memo.

And another thing..while I’m ranting and raving like the crazed lunatic woman I am, a bloggy friend also has lost 25 pounds. And she went from a double digit size to a size 8. Me? Nada.

Well I can’t quite say that. On Friday we were shopping and Mr. FullCup again decided I needed jeans…and I decided right then I needed medication more..just to get through the jeans shopping. I tried on one pair of jeans in a size 2 sizes smaller than I currently wear and they were a bit baggy in the waist. They were the stretchy sort and the time just get me the spray paint. Mr. FullCup said they were wonderful. I left them.

Now here’s the interesting part, I have clothes that size at home. I do. I can wear them but it’s not overly comfortable. Maybe I’m just used to wearing clothes that are too big?

Now that might be something.  Or maybe I’m just so afraid of shopping for jeans I’d really rather wear my jeans that are 2 sizes too big.


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