A few weeks ago our church secretary quit and so I’m filling in. I love it. I get to  be social and meet a need it’s great.

Except when the youth director walks into my office and says, with an evil gleam in his eye, “Do you want to learn something new today?” I always seem to forget the answer is always, No.

Today I learned how  to send a phone tree message. What is a phone tree message? A pre-recorded message that is sent out to a lot of different people. I had been asked a number of times before to send one but I could always plead ignorance…until this morning.

As he was getting the headphones, is it really called head phones if only one ear is covered? I really felt like I was working McDonald’s Drive-thru, “hello, may I take your order please?” Anyway, he holds up a clear plastic bottle and says, “If you ever get in trouble, there is this. We keep it hidden.”

Apparently he knows me, I tend find trouble every time I turn around.

He proceeded to show me how to send a phone tree and left me to my own devices.

“If you ever get in trouble…..”

Since I had no earthly idea what he showed me, I couldn’t wait to finish the recording so I could find out. It was pepper mace. Now if I was in trouble and had to use pepper mace I’d be in bigger trouble. I’d probably be so nervous and full of adrenaline I’d spray it in my own eye.

A little later a pastor friend saw me in the office and he came in to chat.  We chatted for a few minutes and then he said, “I think I need a kiss.”

“Just stay on your side of the desk there, buddy,” raced through my mind as I reached for the mace. Fortunately for me it did not make it out my mouth until after I realized he was talking about the dish of chocolate kisses I had on the desk.