I have no earthly idea how to be a friend. Not a clue. 

When someone shares something with me, I never know what to say, whether it is good or bad. Not a clue. 

I’m reading “Friendships for Grownups” by Lisa Whelchel and it has brought it all to the forefront of my mind. I am hoping to be able to work through all this. 

When I was a child I was always told “To have a friend you have to be a friend.” I never knew what that meant. And now as an adult. I still don’t.  I am sure I’m not the only one. I thought being a friend meant bending over backwards for everyone. Living in total denial that I had any sort of need and that anyone could meet it. I was also told many times through the years, “you can’t depend on people. God is the only one you can depend on. People will let you down every time, but God never will.” 

Only to be brutally honest, (because this is a brutally honest post) I have felt let down by God. In my head I know He is faithful and will always be with me. But in experience I have felt very alone and like God is not only not interested in my poor pitiful life, He is bored to tears by it and has gone off to help someone more worthy. 

I think if you were brutally honest you’d admit the same. 

I am somewhat terrified to be alone with people. Because honestly when I get in a car with one or two other people my mind goes completely blank. I can think of nothing at all to say. Not. A. Single. Thing. Calling people on the phone is enough to send me over the edge, I never know what to say so I say my reason for calling and then I am ready to hang up. Not so most people. No, most people like to chat on the phone and get irritated when you rush off. I’ve been told I’m very rude. 

Sigh. 

Its not that I don’t have friends. I do. But no one I can really call on a moment’s notice and say “Let’s go for coffee.” I spend most of my days with my little family. But I’ve noticed my children don’t really have playmates either. I so do not want them to grow up and realize they don’t know how to be a friend. 

I am sure there is hope for me…but at my age I’ve about given up. To be brutally honest.