All I wanted to do was knit a simple ear muff thing. That’s all. Several years ago I wasn’t very brilliant and walked about a mile in minus 50 F without a hat and frost bit my ears. Since then my ears have been incredibly sensitive to the cold.

And I run. And I live in a cold climate. (Although this winter you can’t really tell. Our winter is coming in cold spurts with unseasonably warm weather inbetween.)  I can’t wear a stocking hat. I just can’t. First of all, it’s not easy to find one to fit over my mane of hair without sliding off. And second of all, my head just gets to hot. But I need to keep my ears warm.

I have one ear warmer. (Really, what are those things called?) One. I keep misplacing it. One day a few weeks ago I went running without it, and paid a dear price with ears that just ached for hours.

I smartly thought if I only had two, then while one was cavorting about the countryside, the other one would be useable. I am not a thinker, I’m not a planner, and not really a pattern follower if I think it should be simple enough. And this should have been simple enough.

Saturday night I had Mr. FullCup measure the circumference of my head. 22″.

“So, I just have to make this 11″?”

Yeah, didn’t I say I wasn’t a thinker? It should also be obvious to everyone by now that I’m also not all that good with math.

I finished my last 2″, bound off my stitches, and that is when it hit me. I needed to make it larger than 22″. My oldest child told me to “just pick up my stitches”. I told her to “just pick up my stitches.” I tell you, 13 year olds! She told me all she (Cinderella) had to do, “but, Mommy, if I get all that done and still have time, I’ll be happy to pick up your stitches for you.”

I actually took a few seconds to contemplate picking up my stitches and promptly discarded the idea. Then I got the brilliant idea to just make another piece, sew them together. I thought it would be a great idea to make the ribbing go the other direction and make it a funky, one-of-a-kind ear warmer.

I cast on initially 80 stitches. And promptly started knitting with the short end, not the yarn coming from the skein. Just so you know, that only works for a short time. I took some stitches off, but then I was confused when I got to where I had knit two together (because apparently whereas I can’t count to 80, I can count to 81). And I was bad. I just grabbed the right end of the yarn and knit away.

Then I remembered something very important that I keep forgetting.

You purl on your knits and knit on your purls.

Got that?

I was knitting on my knits and purling on my purls. I played like a frog and ripped it out. And started all over. Cast on 80..ooops make that 81.

I honestly can’t remember the issue this time, but I wasn’t very far along when I had to be a frog again, and I ripped it out.

This time I cast on a mere 70…errr 71 stitches.  And it was a thing of beauty.

Until yesterday morning I took it to church to work on. I failed to take the part I had done with me so I had no real idea how wide to make this new part.  I also failed to measure the length of this part.

I should have. I really, really should have.

Because when I finished it, I realized it would fit Andre the Giant.